Hey everyone! Thank you for following along with my story. I wanted to take a break from the chaos and talk to you a little bit more about the spoon theory.

 

So if you have been reading my posts until this point, you have learned a little bit about the first time that I was hospitalized with blood clots. Looking back, it feels like an eternity ago. I was 15 when this happened and I am 22 now, still trying to figure out life as I go along.

I wanted to give a little more information about the spoon theory and how it applies to my life!

When I was 15 and had my first blood clots, I was only on blood thinning medication for 6 months. It took everything out of me and made me lose 20 pounds. I couldn’t eat, think straight, or be myself in any aspect that I was before the medication. I was also diagnosed with PTSD after all of the trauma that I went through.

Now I am 22 and on blood thinners for life after another blood clot that I suffered through when I was 19. I can honestly say that I went through an almost identical process after my second blood clot. Life has not been the same since.

A friend introduced me to the spoon theory when I was at a low point and didn’t know how I would be able to finish college and feel back to my normal self again. I can honestly say this interaction changed everything for me here on out.

See, the thing about the spoon theory is that nobody else has control over your spoons except for you. Even though they are figurative, you still have every right to do with them what you please. This was hard for me to accept at first as somebody who has always tried to please those around me. I knew I could no longer control anything else except for my own life.

When I wake up in the morning, I usually don’t know how I am going to feel. Most days I feel sick and nauseous and all I want to do is go back to sleep. But some days, especially days that I know I have things that I need to do, I can pull myself up and accomplish anything. The hardest part is finding the balance between the two and knowing when I’ve given my all for the day.

On a good day, I wake up early and head out the door to my destination. A challenge for me is breakfast. Since I take my medication at night, I usually wake up feeling nauseous and don’t have an appetite until later in the afternoon. Even so, if I know I will be busy I will take a snack with me if hunger strikes. After I leave, I usually get a coffee and try to feel a little more awake than I am. I truly am never not tired no matter how much I sleep. I can usually go about my day once I am out and about but always seem to come home drained. A tell tale for me is when I am out somewhere and I start to feel dizzy or like I am in a dream. This usually lets me know that I have given all I can give in the meantime and that most of my spoons have been traded in.

I won’t go into detail right now about the bad days, because they aren’t pretty. But I wanted to take a look into the days that I feel like I have enough spoons to give to go about my daily routine. At this point in my life, my routine has been turned on its (butt) so to say. I have graduated college and moved back home with my parents. I feel like I am handling things better than expected however and have some time to myself to get acclimated back home.

So here I am, trying to count my spoons and blessings. Keeping things moving, but sleeping a lot along the way.